My 4yo said he was playing at lunch with a girl from his class at school.
Me: Which game were you playing?
4: Lava Queen and Assistant!
Me: Let me guess. You were the assistant?
4: How did you know, daddy?!
Daddy knows.
“All my friends at school do not listen to me!”
– My 4yo who doesn’t listen to me
My 4yo sang Old MacDonald but in his version “on that farm he was a cow” which was a plot twist M. Night Shyamalan would be proud of
If you need me, I’ll be right here for the next 35 years while my 4yo picks out a bedtime story to read
My 4yo said “daddy, I have two poops on my phone” and I was thankful to see they were just emojis
Me: Do you know the difference between hot and cold?
4: They both rhyme, daddy!
until I had kids I had no idea that it was possible for someone to drink water with such ferocity
getting my 4yo to sleep is just a simple 85 step process
my 4yo has started saying the phrase “calm down” and it works as well on me as it does on him
made the mistake of believing my kid when he said he didn’t want me to buy him cheesy bread
that feeling when you use the same word twice in a sentence and it looks like you know five words in total
toddler parkour is trying to find the slowest and most elaborate route to get anywhere
Apparently my son “looks like daddy” when he’s wearing half of his food
I was playing pirates with my 4yo and it was so cute when he found the treasure. I almost felt bad taking it from him, but I did what I had to do. Because pirates.
My 4yo saw a squirrel eating an apple and asked if he could eat an apple. So now I’m feeding the squirrel organic carrots and broccoli.