@khook32

If this cat doesn’t stop trying to lick my plate, we’re having Chinese for dinner tomorrow.

@khook32

My husband really loves our new couch. In fact, he loves it so much he called me his exwife’s name just so he could sleep on it.

@khook32

One of these days you’ll see the real me.

Probably next week. I’m almost out of concealer.

@khook32

Skinny friend: Bananas are super high in sugar. Why would you eat them if you want to lose weight?

Me: Good point.

*Grabs Kit Kat

@khook32

Last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day you gave it away!

Well grandma, that’s how organ donation works.

@khook32

Apparently telling the principal that “it’s not cheating, it’s cooperative learning” was the wrong thing to say.