Whoever came up with *gobsmacked* should name all of our emotional responses.
No, Twitter trending topics, I don’t want to hear about double mutant ninja COVID.
What’s the weirdest thing your co-workers believed?
Me: Co-worker thought H2O meant hot water and CO2 meant cold water
J: Co-worker thought they taught a real lizard to talk in the GEICO commercials
Hallmark: please make modern cards, like “Sorry you got your joke explained to you.”
The worst part about being humble is that you can’t brag about it.
Wait. We’re now saying *yesty* for *yesterday*? Who decides these things?
Who decided that we have to get stuff done every day?
Burned 94 calories.
Exercise made me hungry.
Ate 940 calories.
A good way to meet all of your neighbors at once is to take the trash out, in your pajamas.
Pie is superior to cake. Nobody makes a cake chart.