@kimlockhartga

Whoever came up with *gobsmacked* should name all of our emotional responses.

@kimlockhartga

No, Twitter trending topics, I don’t want to hear about double mutant ninja COVID.

@kimlockhartga

What’s the weirdest thing your co-workers believed?

Me: Co-worker thought H2O meant hot water and CO2 meant cold water

J: Co-worker thought they taught a real lizard to talk in the GEICO commercials

@kimlockhartga

Hallmark: please make modern cards, like “Sorry you got your joke explained to you.”

@kimlockhartga

The worst part about being humble is that you can’t brag about it.

@kimlockhartga

Wait. We’re now saying *yesty* for *yesterday*? Who decides these things?

@kimlockhartga

Exercised.
Burned 94 calories.
Exercise made me hungry.
Ate 940 calories.

@kimlockhartga

A good way to meet all of your neighbors at once is to take the trash out, in your pajamas.