Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us
@kimlockhartga : Wait. We're now saying *yesty* for *yesterday*? Who decides these things?
@kimlockhartga: Who decided that we have to get stuff done every day?
Burned 94 calories.
Exercise made me hungry.
Ate 940 calories.
@kimlockhartga: A good way to meet all of your neighbors at once is to take the trash out, in your pajamas.
@kimlockhartga: Pie is superior to cake. Nobody makes a cake chart.
@kimlockhartga: 2008: Busy, trying to balance work and home life.
2018: Busy watching a video of a lemon rolling down the street.
@kimlockhartga: Brit friend: Ugh. Brexit is a disaster. How are things over there?
Me: We"re in a ketchup war with Canada.
@kimlockhartga: We need more names like Benedict Cumberbatch:
@kimlockhartga: Is it "butt-naked" or "buck-naked?" I want this pool party invite to be perfect.
@kimlockhartga: "Fed-Ex is coming to kill us all!" ~my dog