Pie is superior to cake. Nobody makes a cake chart.
2008: Busy, trying to balance work and home life.
2018: Busy watching a video of a lemon rolling down the street.
Brit friend: Ugh. Brexit is a disaster. How are things over there?
Me: We”re in a ketchup war with Canada.
We need more names like Benedict Cumberbatch:
Omelet Easydozen
Florentine Pepperbatter
Is it “butt-naked” or “buck-naked?” I want this pool party invite to be perfect.
“Fed-Ex is coming to kill us all!” ~my dog
A guy I know was flirting with the cashier, and she ignored him. When he said “How about a thank you?” She leaned toward him, and said “It’s printed on your receipt.”
At noon, we ride.*
*start the dishwasher and sort the laundry.
I learned German so I could sound angry about everything.
Can you imagine liking anyone well enough to go into pairs figure skating?
1968: One day, computers will improve every area of our lives.
2018: Watching a rapper take a bath with a hairless cat.
Opened the back door and a tiny lizard fell from the sky. It’s either a sign, or the smallest plague ever.
Had a little meltdown at work yesterday, so the upside is that everyone will be afraid to talk to me for awhile.
DID Y’ALL KNOW THAT THEY MAKE CAFFEINATED WATER? WHY AM I YELLING?!?
I should get something accomplished, but the cat wants me to sit with him right now.