@kimmie_1980

Level of singleness: yelling, “pizza’s here!” So the delivery man doesn’t think all the pizza is just for me…

@kimmie_1980

If Facebook changed “poke” to “stab” I would use it all the time.

@kimmie_1980

I should start a wine company and name the bottles things like “don’t be sad” “he’s not worth it” “you deserve better”!

@kimmie_1980

Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that Im typing this with my middle finger.