chiropractor: so how’s your back been?
backstreet: alright
when my therapist asks how i’ve been the last two weeks
chiropractor: so how’s your back been?
backstreet: alright
when someone’s guiding me into a parking spot:
{concert}
eddie vedder: WHO’S READY TO ROCK?!
me (from the mosh pit waiting for my transition lenses to adjust to indoors) GIMME A SEC, ED
{time travels back to 1984} yeh i’m looking for a guy named *checks notes* baby hitler.
someone just broke into my house and inhaled all my air guitars
my mother has a medical podcast where she self diagnoses her ailments it’s called my voicemail and it happens every morning at 9 am.
my glass coffin company “remains to be seen” is not doing as well as i thought it would.
don’t give me a cake pop unless it comes with a map that leads me to the rest of the cake, you piece of shit
fun fact: nike is short for nichael
*sees husband cry as i walk down the aisle at our wedding*
is this priest bothering you?
turtles are just lizards who work in construction
me trying to fit into my pre pandemic jeans
