One time I made my Scottish born mama red beans and rice when she came to Texas for a visit and after she accused me of trying to kill her.
The scariest women I’ve known are five feet tall and under. My grandmother was oldest of 11 children, 4 feet 10 Irish Catholic terrifying. I once saw her false teeth fly out and continue yelling at my Uncle John.
Putting lotion on your hands and picking up your coffee cup is pretty damn stupid.
WD-40 doesn’t stop my joints from creaking, in case anyone else was considering this.
I was looking up Licking County Animals (in Ohio) because they have a litter of hound puppies I wanted to share but let’s just say puppies weren’t in the results.
Those are not the screams of an animal caught in a bear trap, they’re the bleatings of a dog banished to the back yard and rendering her unable to run assist with the repairman.
Seriously though, how do Gremlins know when it’s after midnight?
The person who named Red Delicious apples should never be allowed to name anything again.
I PASSED THE BAR!
On the way to work and I didn’t go in! Yay me!
The crows are royally pissed off about something this morning and I’m thinking about flying up there and joining.
Put my fitted sheet and duvet cover in the washing machine for a death match to see which one swallows the other.
There’s no graceful way to shove a chocolate truffle in your mouth during an important Zoom meeting.
I was not ready for the 70yo couple at the doctor’s office go from ones concern for the other’s low blood sugar to screaming at each other about talking too loudly. Right next to me in an almost empty waiting room.
If I could go back in time and choose you again, I wouldn’t.
“What if it makes me look stupid,” she said redundantly.