Serial killers who work with a partner are called killaborators.
I’ll grant you this, missing our scheduled call because you “had to chase and catch your pet pig” is the best reason I’ve ever heard.
My son is finally growing the thick moustache he always wanted on my face.
The biggest takeaway from listening to hundreds of podcasts is if you’re rich enough, you can get away with murder.
Die Hard led me to believe I’d experience more machine guns and high body count on Christmas Eve.
I don’t always look like an uncombed, shaggy mess but when I do, please don’t report it as a Bigfoot sighting.
Remember when the current stupidest thing was the “Gotta Get Down on Friday” song? We didn’t know how good we had it.
Turns out you don’t need to have a large gathering to still argue about religion and politics.
Remember when movies didn’t show you the entire plot in the trailer?
I gently knocked a beetle off my lampshade to catch and release, it landed in my water which I poured into the sink to save it from drowning, and it ended up going down the drain. This is 2020.