@kimtopher22

Serial killers who work with a partner are called killaborators.

@kimtopher22

I’ll grant you this, missing our scheduled call because you “had to chase and catch your pet pig” is the best reason I’ve ever heard.

@kimtopher22

My son is finally growing the thick moustache he always wanted on my face.

@kimtopher22

The biggest takeaway from listening to hundreds of podcasts is if you’re rich enough, you can get away with murder.

@kimtopher22

Die Hard led me to believe I’d experience more machine guns and high body count on Christmas Eve.

@kimtopher22

I don’t always look like an uncombed, shaggy mess but when I do, please don’t report it as a Bigfoot sighting.

@kimtopher22

Remember when the current stupidest thing was the “Gotta Get Down on Friday” song? We didn’t know how good we had it.

@kimtopher22

Turns out you don’t need to have a large gathering to still argue about religion and politics.

@kimtopher22

Remember when movies didn’t show you the entire plot in the trailer?

@kimtopher22

I gently knocked a beetle off my lampshade to catch and release, it landed in my water which I poured into the sink to save it from drowning, and it ended up going down the drain. This is 2020.