It just isn’t as fun to rob banks any more.
I never set out to be the hottest woman in the nursing home yet here we are.
My dog gets up faster than I do when the microwave starts beeping.
The horror when you realize you’ve drunk DMd a picture, the relief when you see it’s you holding your neighbor’s new puppy.
I just got belted in my face by a rogue piece of carrot that fell out of my sports bra while doing downward facing dog.
You know how women go to bathrooms in packs? Now we do it on Zoom.
Sorry I’m late, I’ve been taking an elastic band out of my hair for the last three days.
Remember that decades long January? We didn’t know how good we had it.
If you’re not vacuuming sand out of your car two years later, did you really take it to the beach?
When I was in college, my mother didn’t sleep with my math professor to pass the class, I did. Kids have it so easy now.