@kimtopher22: "I'll take you for a walk when I'm damn well good and ready!" I say to my dog, defiantly putting on my coat, hat, gloves and scarf while grabbing her leash.
@kimtopher22: If you wanna see that guy you used to like, go out in public looking your worst and it's practically guaranteed.
@kimtopher22: My brother has been remodeling his guest bathroom for over a year. The door has been off for almost as long.
And that's how you keep people from visiting your house.
@kimtopher22: To date, my most successful weight loss programs have been heartbreak, pneumonia and botulism.
@kimtopher22: I've been eating cucumber slices instead of chips and when I close my eyes, I pretend I'm eating something more enjoyable, like broken glass or rusty nails.
@kimtopher22: Hurricane Duran Duran would have only wanted to chase supermodels, wear white suits and write inane lyrics.
@kimtopher22: Car wash vacuums can suck up old french fries, leaves, 57 cents, car keys, Ray-Bans, your first born but not that weird debris stuck in your cupholder.