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Page of kimtopher22's best tweets

@kimtopher22 : There's a fire burning in my heart, no wait, it's acid reflux, carry on.

@kimtopher22: My new rescue dog has figured out how to step on the pedal and open the trash can.
I don't think my children ever learned that.

@kimtopher22: I did errands without my phone and it took 6 days, 17 hours and 59 minutes less time.

@kimtopher22: "We no longer use straws," he said, handing me two plastic bottles of water. "They're bad for the environment."

@kimtopher22: People who race to pull out in front of me and then go below the speed limit, explain yourselves.

@kimtopher22: How many towels can your young adult son use when he visits? All of them. Even ones you've forgotten you own.

@kimtopher22: Remember when we thought 2016 was a terrible year and wanted it to be over?
Good times.

@kimtopher22: Some generations will never know having to drive by someone's house to see if they're home.

@kimtopher22: A minute, 45 seconds.

How long I'll hold my hands under a restaurant faucet before I finally realize it's not motion activated.

@kimtopher22: "I left my carrot cake from the restaurant in the Uber" and other sad tales of city living.