The biggest takeaway from listening to hundreds of podcasts is if you’re rich enough, you can get away with murder.
Die Hard led me to believe I’d experience more machine guns and high body count on Christmas Eve.
I don’t always look like an uncombed, shaggy mess but when I do, please don’t report it as a Bigfoot sighting.
Remember when the current stupidest thing was the “Gotta Get Down on Friday” song? We didn’t know how good we had it.
Turns out you don’t need to have a large gathering to still argue about religion and politics.
Remember when movies didn’t show you the entire plot in the trailer?
I gently knocked a beetle off my lampshade to catch and release, it landed in my water which I poured into the sink to save it from drowning, and it ended up going down the drain. This is 2020.
It just isn’t as fun to rob banks any more.
I never set out to be the hottest woman in the nursing home yet here we are.
My dog gets up faster than I do when the microwave starts beeping.
The horror when you realize you’ve drunk DMd a picture, the relief when you see it’s you holding your neighbor’s new puppy.
I just got belted in my face by a rogue piece of carrot that fell out of my sports bra while doing downward facing dog.
You know how women go to bathrooms in packs? Now we do it on Zoom.
Sorry I’m late, I’ve been taking an elastic band out of my hair for the last three days.
Remember that decades long January? We didn’t know how good we had it.