Still hold my high school’s record for shortest javelin toss.
Eight minutes into dinner date and I’m out of knock knock jokes.
Rudolph with your nose so bright/help me find my phone tonight
If your restaurant doesn’t have valet parking, who did I give my keys and wallet and phone to?
Such a beautiful day I chose to walk instead of the bus. Job interview can start without me.
I used to think popcorn poppers were only good for making popcorn. How right I was!
I see no reason these two should not be wed, but I do like to make things about me.
Secret admirer got a raise! Finally, decent chocolates.
Ah. I see you moved your horsey piece to that other square. Intriguing gambit.
Chiropractor says just a few more visits and he can pay off his jet ski.
Calling them “tricks” undermines everything I’m trying to do with the yo-yo.
Welcome home! How was your trip? Do you want to hear the good news about your plants or the bad news about your cat?
Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.
‘Bring your child to work day’ discriminates against those of us who choose not to have a job.
Free on bail. Time to pay some meddling kids a visit.