Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.
Remember, fellow outdoorsy types: an odd number of rattles means the snake is delighted to see you; an even number says you should probably stay away.
Every time I watch, “The Shining” I am overwhelmed by how sweet a gig he has.
Your mission, Ethan, should you choose to accept it, no pressure, mind you, 100% your call, can’t stress that enough, you and I are cool either way, but in any case, there’s this plutonium…
As you can tell from my outfit, I am not a nudist.
People often wonder if Tom and Jerry were enemies offscreen, as well. According to Tom, “sort of.”
Girlfriend scrolled my search history, has LOTS of questions about the Lindbergh kidnapping. That makes two of us.
Doc thinks my mysterious headaches may lessen if I eat ice cream more slowly.
I may have failed as a lifeguard in myriad ways, but don’t you dare say I wasn’t punctual.
When I joined the ski patrol, I had only one mission in mind: fighting crime on ski slopes. I left quietly soon after.
My dentist calls himself the “tooth guy” because he’s fun and laid back and unlicensed.
Learn from your failures. For example, I will never eat Cheetos immediately before a job interview again.
I didn’t ask to be the “bad boy” of professional tennis. Probably why it never happened.
Oh, I’ll take your precious “bribe” but you should be ashamed of yourself. Also, thanks.
Finished building birdhouse. Bird couple coming by tomorrow. In their price range.