What kind of a cult is this?
Got kicked out of the grocery store again for reenacting the pottery scene from Ghost with a wheel of cheese.
I dunno, maybe stop playing “Unchained Melody” on the loud speaker and we won’t keep having this problem
Them: Just act casual
Me:
I’m exactly like Rambo if his bandolier was full of breakfast sandwiches
I wouldn’t mind being put on hold so much if companies programmed in a jukebox so I could pick the music I listen to while I wait
Anakin went out for a pack of Siths and didn’t come back until his daughter was a big shot politician and his son was halfway through Jedi College
Pete Davidson probably just knows how to load the dishwasher properly
Just another unrealistic body expectation for women
“New Year, New Me” gets easier every year cause I keep setting the bar lower and lower
Men, do you ever wonder what women have in their purses?
Simple really: Wallet, keys, lip balm, tiny hand grenades, sunglasses, tissues, a pet unicorn, souls of our enemies, Advil, tampons and sometimes brass knuckles.
You’re welcome
*Rubs a Sausage Egg McMuffin on my wrists and behind my ears*
‘Sup
I caught my cat licking a bar of soap and I can only assume he’s a weirdo or he’s punishing himself for swearing again
Karate isn’t always the solution but when it is, it’s the ONLY solution
Both sides are the wrong side of the bed when you don’t wanna get up
Mistakes were made
