Billy, 41, Aries, has been driving a city bus for 15 years but hopes to one day follow his dream and be a professional hand model. He enjoys country music and poker night with the boys. He is hoping to find someone willing to take a gamble on him and fix his achy breaky heart
Got kicked out of the grocery store again for re-enacting the pottery scene from Ghost with a wheel of cheese.
I dunno, maybe don’t play Unchained Melody on the loud speaker and we won’t have this problem.
If the vaccine gives me any superpower, I hope that it is the ability to find my car in a parking lot
I always keep pepper spray in my purse, you know, in case someone tries to attack me or make small talk
Cartoon orange juice is just pulp fiction
Emotions so raw, Gordon Ramsay makes a clever joke about them.
And when you saw one set of footprints, that must be when you started paying attention cause I got tired and went home a while ago
Pretty convinced that my left eyebrow and my right eyebrow belong to two different people with very different lifestyles.
Gin and tonic is weird, sometimes I need a lime wedge and sometimes I need to tell everyone what’s on my mind and then pass out.
I married a boy when I was in the first grade. The ceremony was in the jungle gym and we exchanged ring pops. After recess was over, we went back to class and carried on with our lives. So, Patrick, if you’re out there, I’m sorry I’ve been a shitty wife for the last 32 years.
“Draw me like one of your Trash girls”
Not to brag but I can still fit in the same parking spot I could last year.
Drank so much coffee I think I just lost hearing in my right eye.
I just caught my cat licking a bar of soap and I can only assume she’s a weirdo or she’s punishing herself for swearing again.
Me:Yes sir, I’d like to try that bracelet on
[points at display case]
Clerk: Ma’am, those are donuts
Me: …..