@kv8

The main thing I miss about family dinners is masterfully conveying my silent rage via angry salt and pepper shaking.

@kv8

*sells “no soliciting” signs door to door

@kv8

I still remember when “information is power” could be said with a straight face. Thank goodness the internet put that myth to rest.

@kv8

I don’t know who needs to hear this but women don’t really wear flowery see-through dresses to ride horses in real life.

@kv8

There is no wrong response when someone tells you they have named their pet after you.

@kv8

Must suck to see your ex getting married. I wouldn’t know, all mine have died in mysterious fiery car crashes.

@kv8

Must suck to see your ex getting married. I wouldn’t know, all mine have died in mysterious, firey car crashes.