@lakeanagirl

I knew my wife was having a bad day when she put her tampon behind her ear and couldn’t find her cigarette.

@lakeanagirl

I’ve never had a better karate instructor than a spider web.

@lakeanagirl

Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka should qualify just fine.

@lakeanagirl

I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That’s it. No more reading!

@lakeanagirl

I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces