I don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day so I’ll probably end up going out with the wife
My neighbors had the nerve to say I give them creepy looks but I don’t understand how they can see my eyes behind my binoculars
My cat sleeps next to her food bowl and it inspired me to move my bed to the kitchen
When this pandemic is over, I’m going to French kiss every escalator handrail at the mall
I just ate dinner. At 4pm. I am SO prepared for my 74th birthday
Marriage isn’t for everyone, especially for married people
My wife suggested taking Ecstasy to help with sex and so far she’s banged three neighbors and the UPS guy
Guys, If you mistakenly ask a woman at work if she’s pregnant and she’s not, save face and ask if she wants to be pregnant
I’m going to throw up in my cat’s bed and see how she likes it