good morning, this is your captain speaking. my parents made sure that from a young age i understood that there are things worse than death.
[opens fortune cookie]
be careful what you wish for
[opens another]
this is your final warning
told my kid to sign my boyfriend’s birthday card
oh the aliens aren’t speaking to us right now because idk they’re pissed that we flaked out on that pyramid project they started or whatever
i was one of the palm trees waving around in the background of every 16 bit game in the 90’s so yes random guy you do know me from somewhere
[pulls away from kissing] do you ever pretend nfl players with dreadlocks swinging around under their helmets are predators