Sorry I ate your snacks but nothing lasts forever anyway.
I’m pretty sure my soulmate will come through that door.
-Me, at KFC
If I get killed, would you make my chalk outline slimmer? Thanks.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Life is more like opening the freezer and having everything fall onto you.
Cops think i am worth the chase…apparently.
I’m sorry, I don’t think I can do this
*Pushes salad aside*
Be the reason they create new laws.
Caller: I’m your worst nightmare.
Me: Whaaat?? You’re a sugar free cookie??
*Notices that boss is about to walk into glass door*
*Lets nature run its course*
[Gets Twitter error: “Somehow, somewhere, something went wrong”]
I know Twitter, I know.
That’s why I’m here.