Can’t talk, competitively eating
*sharing nachos with my 17yo son
I am a vigilante zombie for that chocolate I think is hidden in the pantry. I will find you and I will eat you.
My nightie is conspiring to kill me in my sleep by pythonic constriction.
Covid has the side effect of making us long for a time we didn’t even like.
I am responsibility with layered up reliability and a slap trustworthiness and dash of loyalty. I’m like a dependable sandwich with a glass of commitment on the side.
Day 2 of home schooling:
One is taking a maths test in bed, two is taking his psychology lesson in the toilet and I can’t find the third.
Ever been in a mutual muting? Beauty is, you’d never know.
My condolences to all the pets called stupid names.
My dog plays tug of war in a ‘keep it, you want it more than me’ fashion.
“People are acting crazy” says the interviewed shopper with the shopping cart piled high.
Me: If you become a lawyer, I’ll disinherit you
16: From what?
Me: …well played
*feels the wind in my toe hair
CW: Can you hold this Snickers?
Me: mmhmm
CW: Are you holding it in your mouth?
Me: mmhmm
I was going to have a proper career by 30. I’m 47.
*accidentally watches MTV awards
“Who?”