@lordratsquirt

Don’t waste your hard earned money on escape rooms when you can simply walk into an Ikea the wrong way.

@lordratsquirt

Running with scissors is stupid. Throw the the scissors ahead of you and run to where they landed. Repeat until you arrive safely at your destination.

@lordratsquirt

Monopoly taught me that to become a truly successful property owner, I’m going to have to go to jail on a regular basis.

@lordratsquirt

Recently I discovered when changing sex positions, it’s better to make the Transformers sounds inside your head rather than vocalizing them.