Me: it’s sunny! Maybe I’ll get a tan!
My face: *activate freckles*
I got my kid these awesome new bath toys so obviously she spent the whole time playing with a shampoo bottle
Me sharing with my toddler: ‘here honey have some of my cookie. In fact have it all’
My toddler sharing with me: *hands me one crumb then screams because she wants it back*
My toddler hid the tv remote before she went to bed so now I have a fun night ahead of getting drunk and watching Disney Junior
My toddler has lost the eyes from her Mr Potato head toy and I’m pretty sure it was on purpose so he can’t see how shit 2020 is