Bookternity leave should be a thing. Like maternity leave but for when you have new books to read
My child will plan a thousand activities for after school then come home and sit in her pants watching cartoons for hours instead so I guess the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree
“Mushrooms taste like the skeletons of strawberries” and other strange things my 4yo says
My favourite sport is tracking the pizza delivery guy
I’m not the person to call if you need someone to stop you splurging on 10 new books. I’m the one that will hand you the 11th
I don’t do weights but my 4yo refuses to walk sometimes so yeah I lift
My daughter asked if we can just pretend she’s being well behaved and tbh I think it might be easier for both of us
My washing machine shakes so much it moves across the floor and I’m pretty sure it’s trying to escape because I work it too hard
I got my ID out today to buy wine and the woman in the shop said “it’s ok I don’t need to see it”. It’s fine…I’m fine
I’m a really friendly person unless you try and make small talk with me
I always thought by this stage of adulthood I’d have my shit together but I just asked google how long you can survive without vegetables so apparently not
My toddler got me up at 4:30am because “Eeyore said it’s morning” Stupid donkey ruining my life
Not knowing the words to a song sure as hell doesn’t stop me from making random noises in an attempt to sing along anyway
My daughter cuddled into me and said she loves me, which I thought was really cute until I realised she was stealing my muffin