I put my toddler in white shorts and took her outside to play like some kind of masochist
My toddler has had a rough day. I gave her regular milk instead of chocolate and Peppa Pig didn’t oink enough
My toddler just introduced me to someone at daycare as her friend. Not sure how many friends would spend two days pushing you out of their body kiddo
The bath is too wet
– reason 101 my toddler is tantruming
Saving Private Ryan but it’s just me retrieving my daughters favourite toy that she’s dropped down the toilet
Me: your snowman can look however you like sweetheart
2: *sticks arms in snowman’s head*
Me: not like that
The upside to wearing a mask at work is I can yawn in meetings and no one knows. The downside is I yawn so much I look like I’m crying
I left my kid in daycare an extra half hour so I could eat Doritos without sharing and I have absolutely no regrets about this
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a toddler, asking her to eat her own damn breakfast instead of mine
My baby girl turns 2 today and I’m so glad I bought her all these presents so she can play with the empty boxes and wrapping paper
I got my kid these awesome new bath toys so obviously she spent the whole time playing with a shampoo bottle
My toddler has lost the eyes from her Mr Potato head toy and I’m pretty sure it was on purpose so he can’t see how shit 2020 is