My son’s method of Laundry: If it’s clean it’s on the floor. If it’s dirty then it goes on the floor over there.
What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies ? Snowballs
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
My Phone autocorrected “wish you were here” to “wish you were beer” and I sent it anyways
Instagram: “Look at my sushi!”
Vine: “Look at my sushi for six seconds!”
I was 3 yrs old when my mom was diagnosed with my brother.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
I’m so sick and tired of my friends who can’t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
The best way to tell someone you don’t like them is to text them 370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down.
The only times I go for a jog is when there’s a cute guy in front of me or a creepy guy behind me.
I drank so much wine last night when i walked across the dance floor to get another glass, i won the dance competition.
Starbucks really isn’t that expensive when compared to what Victoria’s Secret charges per cup
If Satan ever loses his hair, there’ll be hell toupee
24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?