You could murder someone in California and they wouldn’t even arrest you as long as you properly composted the body.
Serious question… Would Titanic have been more romantic if they had both died, but holding hands and floating, like otters?
[reading online survey]
Are you ready to double your satisfaction?
My god this sounds wildly inappropriate.
*clicks yes*
No thanks, body wraps. If I believed magic would make me thinner, I’d eat a wizard.
It’s not enough to get up at 8 am & freeze on the soccer field. One must also scream from the sidelines so everyone knows you care.
The good news is I’m pretty much who I say I am.
The bad news is I’m pretty much who I say I am.
Everyone preaches body acceptance, until you show up naked at the company picnic.
If you tweet about orthopedic shoes enough, you don’t even need to write “No DMs” in your bio.
Well kids, when a man and woman love each other very much, he erects a monument for her, but in his pants.
Before you take advice from me… you should know I walk around my house in my underwear while complaining about being cold.
*puts on Rocky theme music*
*cracks neck*
*cracks knuckles*
*stretches*
*jogs in place*
*picks up phone to call mom*
When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived.
Forgiveness is for people who don’t know about arson.
Snuck a peak at my therapist’s notepad after telling her about my childhood, and it was just dollar signs.
that awkward moment when a friend is complaining about their spouse, but you start to identify with the spouse