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Page of lucidchemistry's best tweets

@lucidchemistry : I have to get Rosetta stoned to figure out what my pothead sister is texting me.

@lucidchemistry: three years of jiu-jitsu and I still can't get out of my wife's hugs

@lucidchemistry: ME: Who's my little sex kitten?

HER: *slowly pushes me off bed*

ME: [from floor] That's right baby.

@lucidchemistry: 10 likes this girl so I'm going to teach him everything I know about women long story short we're getting our bikes to ride around her house

@lucidchemistry: I've mastered the art of knowing what not to say...not saying it, whole different story

@lucidchemistry: [in bed]

her: u have done this before, right?

me: yes, of course. measure twice, cut once

her: what?

me: what?

@lucidchemistry: Go to an open house and ask the realtor if they'll stand in the basement with the door closed so you can hear if screams are audible outside

@lucidchemistry: I found if you put the right stickers on your cooler and walk as fast as you can they'll let you in any part of the hospital you want.