Finally watched Pulp Fiction with my kid, but fast forwarded thru the parts she’s not ready for… best 27 seconds we’ve spent together recently.
My daughter’s birthday wishlist this year can only be deciphered by a much, much richer man.
I wonder if dogs have different names for themselves than the ones we give them, like “why tf he keep calling you Buster, David?”
Giving someone the finger while driving used to mean a lot more when you had to manually roll your window down to do it
I’m 43 years old and still ask if I’ll need a shot and expect a lollipop every time I go to the doctor.
Voicemails that say check your email is why I prefer animals.
Normalize asking the spelling bee moderator to use it as a safe word. Wait huh
The scary thing about helping my kid with her sixth grade homework is that even though it was a long time ago I don’t remember being as bad as I am now at sixth grade.
I’ve saved $7982 in movie theater popcorn by switching to Covid