I once tried playing tennis with a cymbal but it made a terrible racket
My cat swallowed a ball of wool a few months ago and just gave birth to a litter of mittens
If someone lends you their audio book, try not to lose it. You’ll never hear the end of it.
Seat cushions are the original stool softeners
I can’t believe someone broke into my garage and stole my limbo stick. Like, seriously, how low can you go?
These childbearing hips have yet to turn one single child into a bear and frankly, I’m disappointed.
If you aren’t tying damsels in distress to railroad tracks while laughing maniacally, your curly moustache is going to waste
My heart skips a beat and my hands clench. Lips quivering, I lower my gaze to the ground. Faced with the truth, the disappointment I feel rips through my gut like the sharpest of blades. I HAVE DROPPED MY CHEESE.
There are two owls inside you. You are going to nail this interview at Hooters.