@mack44_d
Them: ‘It’s a long story.’
Me: ‘How does it end?’
@mack44_d
@mack44_d
Creeper: ‘I know what you did last summer.’
Me: ‘And you think you can make it suck even more?’
@mack44_d
These doctor forms keep asking how often I fall down…
…it’s like they’ve been tailing me.
@mack44_d
16: ‘Why do you drink wine every night?’
Me: ‘They say a couple glasses is good for your heart.’
16: ‘Is that why you’re using two glasses?’
@mack44_d
Don’t get angry…
…get pizza.
@mack44_d
Doc: ‘So you’re not sleeping?’
Me: ‘Not really.’
Doc: ‘You drinking water?’
Me: ‘Few glasses a day’
Doc: ‘Alcohol?’
Me: ‘Plenty’
Doc: ‘Exercise?’
Me: ‘Not much’
Doc: ‘Coffee?’
Me: ‘Yes, please.’
@mack44_d
Those who ignore History are doomed to repeat it…
…anyway, my son is taking History again this fall.
@mack44_d
Alexa, set the neighbor’s fire alarms for 3am.
@mack44_d
Fit Bit: ‘Keep going!’
Recliner: ‘Trust your feelings.’
@mack44_d
This year, I’ll be haunting my own house to see if I can scare these people away.