Fit Bit: ‘Keep going!’
Recliner: ‘Trust your feelings.’
This year, I’ll be haunting my own house to see if I can scare these people away.
‘Was that really necessary?’
‘THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!’
~me, parenting teens
…but Cujo did NOT go to heaven.
16: ‘What was it like when you were growing up?’
Me: *takes cell phone-throws him outside*
‘Be back at six!’
16: ‘Wait, Dad I-‘
Them: ‘It’s a long story.’
Me: ‘How does it end?’
‘I don’t know, man…that deer could have rabies.’
Her: ‘You should pass this guy.’
Me: ‘You should have told me that vasectomy was completely unnecessary.’
My boss asked me if I had a minute like he doesn’t know how busy I am here.