@mack44_d

Them: ‘It’s a long story.’

Me: ‘How does it end?’

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Creeper: ‘I know what you did last summer.’

Me: ‘And you think you can make it suck even more?’

@mack44_d

These doctor forms keep asking how often I fall down…

…it’s like they’ve been tailing me.

@mack44_d

16: ‘Why do you drink wine every night?’

Me: ‘They say a couple glasses is good for your heart.’

16: ‘Is that why you’re using two glasses?’

@mack44_d

Doc: ‘So you’re not sleeping?’
Me: ‘Not really.’
Doc: ‘You drinking water?’
Me: ‘Few glasses a day’
Doc: ‘Alcohol?’
Me: ‘Plenty’
Doc: ‘Exercise?’
Me: ‘Not much’
Doc: ‘Coffee?’
Me: ‘Yes, please.’

@mack44_d

Those who ignore History are doomed to repeat it…

…anyway, my son is taking History again this fall.

@mack44_d

Alexa, set the neighbor’s fire alarms for 3am.

@mack44_d

Fit Bit: ‘Keep going!’

Recliner: ‘Trust your feelings.’

@mack44_d

This year, I’ll be haunting my own house to see if I can scare these people away.