Twitter is a great place to befriend people who you’d never let in your house.
Call me a traditionalist, but I prefer my cranberry in its natural state, in the shape a of a can of dog food.
You COULD say Twitter is like Group Therapy, however that would imply people are getting better,… and that just doesn’t hold water.
If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.
You’d think wearing a hospital gown in a pharmacy would insure prompt service, well I’m here to tell you kids, it does not.
Hurricane heading this way guys, may lose power & cell service for awhile, so if I should happen to disappear, don’t buy the media’s bullshit, I was not abducted by aliens or taken on a cross country crime spree by some Hooter’s Waitresses… I don’t have that kinda luck.
It’ll never work, we have very different definitions of words like talented, celebrity, amazing and intelligent.
There’s 2 types of people in this world, the people who proofread their Tweets, and the rest of us.
Well if you’re here … then who’s in Loch Ness?
Annnnd that’s how the fight started.
Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t wanna talk about it.
I hope you don’t feel as bloated as you look.
Annnd that’s how the fight started.
Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.
Apparently, “I’m not circumventing your authority, I’m just trying to get around it”, was not the answer HR was looking for.
I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes, that the relationship had hit some turbulence.
Every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you.
“Awww…. you’re so sweet”.
No seriously, first my hoodie disappears, then my phone charger vanishes, and now my AirPods have vaporized.