It’s great that interstates have rest areas. But things like Wednesdays really need rest areas too.
Liam Neeson stars as an evil owner of a haunted cemetery in a creepy new Halloween thriller. His catch phrase is “I have a particular set of skulls.”
How are the neighbors supposed to free load off your WiFi if the signal barely makes it to the living room.
You want me to eat this Caesar salad with this fork and knife you provided? You know what they did to Caesar with a knife?
I got a flu shot yesterday but have not started flying. It’s a bit misleading.
If they don’t teach the periodic table during it then they shouldn’t call it elementary school.
This staff meeting could have been a haiku.
When he was very, very young the Greek philosopher was a mere Aristoddler.
The electric toothbrush battery died but luckily my skill set allows me to use it like a manual.
I washed my shirts and they’re hanging out on the clothes line. They know what they did!
For Tolkien writing was Hobbit forming.
Waitress: Here’s the check. You wanna box for that?
Customer: The rest of this sandwich? You want to fight over it here in the diner?
Not to be too political but liquid shouldn’t drip out first when you’re squeezing out mustard.
A shock absorber sounds like something you need for when you’re watching the news.
Plenty of tweets about normalize this and normalize that. Not enough about carmelizing this and that.