So I was in a shoe store this morning and was trying on a shoe.
I said to the assistant: “It’s too tight”.
She said: “Try it with the tongue out”,
I said: “It’th nho ghood, it’th thtill thoo thight!”
Steven: Good evening
Stephen: Good ephening
So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water until I read it backwards…
Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.
Story time
The sales guy kept pushing, though I’d already said “No”, many times. So I shouted, “Non!” “Net!” “Nein!”
But he wouldn’t take No foreign answer.
I met a microbiologist today…
He was a lot bigger than I expected.
F.Y.I. You pee on a jellyfish sting not a jelly stain.
Again my apologies to the lady at the IHOP this morning.
To whoever stole my over sized clock, you owe me big time.
Never share a secret with a clock.
Because Time will tell.
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk.
Ducks don’t talk…
It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”.
I don’t even know where that is.
I didn’t know they can drive…
Restaurant bathrooms are really, really dangerous.
So many of my 1st dates have gone to use them and vanished.
Short story
