Found my door mat
My mom told me never to steal kitchen utensils.
But, it’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
Guess who I bumped into on the way to see my eye doctor?
Everyone…
A large group of Karens is called a Homeowner’s Association…
So I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe.
I don’t care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe.
(Toy store)
ME: “Where do you keep the Schwarzenegger dolls?”
Clerk: “Aisle B, back”
One spelling mistake and my wife is all upset. All I wrote was: Having a great time, wish you were her.
Stallone: I’m making a movie about composers. I’m playing Beethoven.
Van Damme: I’ll be Mozart.
Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys, I’m not saying it.
What did this chicken ever do to them?? 😂😂😂
There’s so much going on 😂😂😂
Another wooden ball!!! Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?? I have like 12 already
My wife and I have decided we don’t want to have children.
So we are going to tell them tonight at dinner.
NASA is launching a new mission to say sorry to the aliens, they are calling it, “Apollo G”
I bought a Christmas tree today and the salesman asked if I was going to put it up myself. I said no, I’m going to put it in the living room.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?