My daughter wants to study burrowing rodents. I told her to gopher it.
Every Olympic event should include one average person competing, for reference.
I want to be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti.
I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day.
What’s the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?
One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler!
My wife and I decided not to have kids.
We plan on telling them tonight…
I used to be in a band called The Hinges. We usually opened for The Doors.
What do the films Titanic and 6th Sense have in common?
Icy dead people….. please don’t unfollow me
Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time.
Stop blaming lazy people!
They didn’t do anything
My son asked me where poo came from. I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest answer. He looked perplexed and stared at me for a minute then asked….and tigger???