So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?
Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?
I’m dead 😂😂😂😂😂
How do you tell the gender of an ant?
Put it in water.
If it sinks, girl ant.
If it floats…
I’m not saying I order from Amazon a lot, but I just received a wedding invitation from my delivery guy…
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.
Man: “Excuse me. Can you tell me the quickest way to the next town?”
Me: “Are you driving or walking?”
Man: “Driving.”
Me: “That would be the quickest way.”
My Grandpa reached 110 yesterday.
That’s the last time I get in the car with him driving…
Amal and Juan are identical twins.
Their mom only carries one baby
photo in her wallet.Because if you’ve seen Juan you’ve
seen Amal.
Meatloaf is a good safe word.
It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…
Apparently, RSVPing to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong.
I know that now…
It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.
Paper jam is the least delicious of all preserves…
If you ever get chased by a pack of taxidermists…
Never, ever, play dead.
I bought some coconut shampoo today.
I got halfway home before I thought, “I dont even have a coconut!”