My biggest fear of self driving cars is that if I would die on the way to work, the car would still drive me there.
How does a farmer find new cows to buy?
He looks through the cattlelog.
My son wanted to know what it was like to be a parent.
So I woke him at 2am to tell him my sock came off.
The Genie granted me 1 wish and all I wanted was to be happy.
Now I live with 6 dwarves and work in a mine.
The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of coffee.
This means that the average human gets 41 miles per gallon.
If you watch an Apple store get robbed, are you an iWitness?
Why should you stick to drinking apple juice?
Because OJ will kill you.
I know I joke a lot on my posts, but on a serious note, I need everyone to wish me luck…
I have a meeting at the bank later and if it’s a success, I will be out of debt and own everything I have now.
I’m so excited I can barely put on my ski mask…
Just sold my homing pigeons on Ebay…
…for the 22nd time.
I hate when people can’t let go of the past.
Debt collectors are the worst.
My dog just swallowed a bag of Scrabble tiles, so I took him to the vet.
No word yet.
I’ve been reading about a scientist who’s working to increase the size of male deer.
He’s hoping to make big bucks.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth…
Then it’s a soap opera!
Therapist: It seems like you have an
acute phobia of marriage. Do you know
the symptoms?Patient: I can’t say I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s one of them.
I luv putting on warm underwear straight out of the DRYER…
Plus, it’s fun to figure out who they belong to at the laundromat.