I can’t get over the fact that the word “gullible” upside-down looks like a cat.
If a Stork is responsible for bringing babies, what bird prevents them?
A Swallow.
I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stair.
Vin Diesel eats only two meals per day:
1) Breakfast
2) Breakfurious
I’m currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in an Italian city.
It’s a Rome ants novel.
I own 2 crabs. One is happy and the other is grumpy. The happy one is crab A.
The grumpy one is crab B.
Me: {sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red) “I can’t see you anymore. I am NOT going to let you hurt me like that again!”
Trainer: “It was a sit-up. You did one sit-up.”
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I’d probably come in fourth so I wouldn’t need to walk up to the podium.
For those who are Struggling with English:
Don’t = Do not
Won’t = Wo notFollow me for more advice…
Customer: “I’d like to buy a bagel with cream cheese.”
Me: “Sorry, we only take cash or credit card.”
Manager:“I need to see you in my office.
Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife.
Waiter: Rare it is.
When older people say, “Enjoy them while they are young.”
They are talking about your knees and hips not your kids.
Funny how the British conquered so much land looking for spices.
But then refused to use them.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are sitting in a doctor’s waiting room, when a man in an obviously worried state enters and cries out, “I fear I’ve become invisible… Can you see me?”
And they respond; “Yes.” “Oui.” “Sí.” “Ja.”