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Page of markhoppus's best tweets

@markhoppus : Before a long flight I make sure I have at least two books, downloaded a Netflix series, Switch has games and is fully charged, so I can spend the entire flight blankly watching another passenger’s screen.

@markhoppus: My wife was just entering a code into a website and talking to herself. “Three Five Oh Six Nine (haha nice) Seven...”

@markhoppus: Who tf is this “Cole Doubtside” that everyone keeps singing about?!

@markhoppus: Someone just wished me “Happy Holidays” and I was so offended. How DARE someone assume I’d ever want to be happy.

@markhoppus: Just bought a $1.4M Banksy! Time to take a huge sip of coffee and open today’s news...

@markhoppus: trying to convince my mom that when someone texts her a joke, if it's REALLY funny, convention is to reply with three eggplant emojis.

@markhoppus: “And what do you do?”
“I play in a band”
“What’s the band called? Have I heard of it?”
“It’s called blink-182.”
“OH!! LIKE IN THAT CHAINSMOKERS SONG!”

@markhoppus: Doctor Strange used his “super power” to imagine 14 million different possible outcomes for a specific situation, like I don’t already do that every single night.

@markhoppus: MY WIFE HAS, AFTER A 14 MONTH LONG IN-DEPTH INVESTIGATION, FOUND NO EVIDENCE THAT I TOOK THE LAST LA CROIX FROM THE REFRIGERATOR THAT SHE WAS SAVING FOR AFTER HER WORKOUT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS CLEARLY LABELED "MARK DON'T DRINK THIS YOU IDIOT."