I’m using an old Indian trick in order to wake myself up early: Eating several large curries right before bed.
Unemployment gives you time to follow your true passion: Worrying about money.
If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss.
At the ripe old age of 900, in a universe inhabited by thousands of alien races, I bet Yoda had some pretty racist shit to say.
I often think “Why would anyone live in Gotham? It’s a shithole!”, but then you choose to live in the shithole that is [YOUR CITY NAME].
I tried to take a photo of a huge bug in my bathroom, but when I put a coin next to it for scale IT TOOK THE COIN AND PUT IT IN ITS WALLET.
I don’t see any former child prodigies/spelling bee champions solving any of the world’s problems. Thanks for nothing, you little burn-outs.
I just whispered “Come at me, bro” to a bug and it ran towards me, so now I’m in my car driving away from my old life.
Stop complaining about the length of the Hobbit movies. Plays are 17 hours long. School plays are twice that.
Guess who’s watching Vin Diesel movies all day again? That’s right: Vin Diesel.