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Page of markleggett's best tweets

@markleggett : I'm using an old Indian trick in order to wake myself up early: Eating several large curries right before bed.

@markleggett: Unemployment gives you time to follow your true passion: Worrying about money.

@markleggett: If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss.

@markleggett: At the ripe old age of 900, in a universe inhabited by thousands of alien races, I bet Yoda had some pretty racist shit to say.

@markleggett: I often think "Why would anyone live in Gotham? It's a shithole!", but then you choose to live in the shithole that is [YOUR CITY NAME].

@markleggett: I tried to take a photo of a huge bug in my bathroom, but when I put a coin next to it for scale IT TOOK THE COIN AND PUT IT IN ITS WALLET.

@markleggett: I don't see any former child prodigies/spelling bee champions solving any of the world's problems. Thanks for nothing, you little burn-outs.

@markleggett: I just whispered "Come at me, bro" to a bug and it ran towards me, so now I'm in my car driving away from my old life.

@markleggett: Stop complaining about the length of the Hobbit movies. Plays are 17 hours long. School plays are twice that.

@markleggett: Guess who's watching Vin Diesel movies all day again? That's right: Vin Diesel.