Funny Tweeter

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Page of markydoodoo's best tweets

@markydoodoo : me: if there are any spirits here, pleasant yourself to us

ghost: bro did you just say pleasant instead of present?

me: oh no

2nd ghost: lmao this idiot said pleasant

3rd ghost: pleasant

4th ghost: pleasant

5th ghost: pleasant

@markydoodoo: I hate how commercialized Amazon Prime Day has become.

@markydoodoo: my only hobby is seeing how close i can get to squirrels before they run away

@markydoodoo: i’d rather go to jail than go camping. at least jail is inside

@markydoodoo: me: most dust is human skin flakes therefore roombas are carnivorous robots and one day the dust won’t satiate them anymore so they will rise up and devour us all

therapist: can we go back to discussing your childhood

me: one sec

@markydoodoo: They put rubber bands on lobster claws to prevent them from being on their phones all day.

@markydoodoo: The Macarena was just a tutorial on how to fold a sweater.

@markydoodoo: if i die from eating a tide pod, please bury me in the traditional fashion:

warm/cold water

15 mins extra soak

permanent press cottons

@markydoodoo: sometimes late at night i look up at the stars and wonder what life would be like if my hair was spaghetti. would i eat it? i prolly would. would i eat other peoples hair spaghetti? again, most likely yes