My kids said parenting is easy so I let them put the toddlers socks and shoes on and now everyone is crying.
Dating life- Finds rose petals on the ground when I wake up
Married life- Finds my husband’s toenails on the ground when I wake up
My childless friend told me how easy parenting is so I went over at 0500 with fingerpaints and my toddler. We’ve been listening to Baby Bum nonstop, there’s food on the walls and every time she goes to the bathroom, we bust in to tell her all the words that rhyme with “poop”
My toddler held my hand all the way to the bathroom, gave me a kiss when I sat down, then stole my toilet paper roll and ran out of the bathroom laughing in case you were wondering what it’s like to be a parent.
My husband helped me relax by going to the store for some gift bags for my son’s upcoming birthday. He just returned victorious and presented me with a bunch of brown paper lunch sacks.
All I’m sayin is that you’re not gonna want my kid doing your taxes after being homeschooled by me.
Hot Pockets- Now with 5 cheese!
Me- *adding both nacho and spray cheese* Amateurs
Getting married is easy, staying married when all of your drunken midnight Amazon purchases show up on your husband’s day off is not.
I texted my husband about all the sex I’m expecting for my birthday and accidentally sent it to my MIL. She just responded that she’s already made other plans that day.
My daughter just told me I’m giving her gray hairs and ran for her stress ball so I think I’m finally nailing this whole parenting thing.
*Pouring nacho cheese over my bowl of cornflakes* No, I wouldn’t say I’ve let quarantine life change me.
My son had to pick his towel up off the floor today. Apparently he’s forced to do everything around here.
Every morning I ask how my daughter is doing and she in turn asks me how Beyoncé is doing. I said why can’t you ask how I’m doing too and she says she will when I sound more like Beyoncé.
My husband just started assembling a bookshelf so I guess we’re fighting now.
Parenting is easy, until those kids wake up.