1995: I will make multiple trips to the post office and mail off blank cassettes just so I can get a barely audible bootleg of a phish show months later
2022: I will pay 47 dollars for a single chicken sandwich to be delivered so I don’t have to put on pants
I was just about to have sex but then a gust of wind blew my condom into a labyrinth and like a fool I ran in to get it
She was a fax machine
She kept her modem clean
She was the best damn printer that I’ve ever seen
A very busty woman whispers to me “I want you to tell me if these look real” my eyes widen, then she takes out pictures of the moon landing
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying “get a load of this guy” every time someone walked in
Rather than trying to “change” your passwords, accept them for their imperfections and they will grow stronger than you can possibly imagine
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I’m pursuing you online and from my couch
Funny that Lebron couldn’t even finish a game due to cramps when RoboCop saved all of Detroit without even having his own legs
I booked a suite at a 5 star hotel and when my girlfriend arrived,on the bed spelled out in rose petals was “be right out,I’m taking a shit”
Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5’9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
I have a rare muscle disease that causes my hands to write racist things that I don’t remember later. The Doctor is calling it Ron Palsy
