I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.
Just when I’ve finally gotten everything cleaned and put in the dishwasher, my kid comes marching in with her museum collection of dishes and cups
I accidentally vacuumed up a live spider, so I did the right thing and returned the vacuum cleaner to Costco.
Apple is now sponsoring the Super Bowl halftime performance.
That means it won’t be noticeably different from last year’s and we’ll have to update our TVs halfway through.
I knocked over a display at the grocery store and managed to get myself in both a pickle and a jam
When you vacuum your kid’s room and it just sounds like millions of Rice Krispies being sucked up
You ever think someone is breaking into your house and then realize oh, it’s just the clothes in the washer I started 5 minutes ago.
I keep rearranging my home office just to throw off everyone on the work video calls.
My family’s superpower is filling the recycle bin within 5 minutes of me emptying it.
Me, sitting on the patio trying to enjoy a book.
Leaf blowers: ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Last night I head banged, lip synced, air guitared and air keyboarded “The Final Countdown” while my teen daughter looked on in horror.
Teen daughter: What? Why are you looking at me that way?? You’re all squinty and judgy.
Me: I just took my contacts out.
My teen can’t seem to make her own bowl of cereal, but she can make a Tik Tok recipe with 17 ingredients.
How many vultures circling you is good luck?
I wonder if there are introvert birds who get tired of all the chatter coming from the extrovert birds.