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@mdob11 : No thank you, I don't need a coaster. I won't be putting my drink down.
@mdob11: A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
@mdob11: Boss: Why weren't you at work last week?
Me: Why are you living in the past?
@mdob11: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don't come to work :(
@mdob11: I carry tumbleweed so I can let it roll across the floor during awkward silences.
@mdob11: Me: WHY DID YOU EVEN COME HERE IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME!!
Him: Ma'am please just take your pizza.
@mdob11: Goal weight: "are you ok, you look sick"
@mdob11: I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.