Good mental health at work and good management go hand in hand and there is strong evidence that workplaces with high levels of mental wellbeing are more productive.
📸: @lizandmollie
#positivethoughts #positivemind #positivelife #dailymotivation #keepmovingforward
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Frenchmen, still hiding inside The Statue of Liberty: soon.
Therapist: So it says on your chart that you had a complete psychotic breakdown, can you explain to me what you think lead to this?
TwinzerMom: My kids…. they wouldn’t (breaks into tears)
Therapist: Go on
TwinzerMom: THEY WOULDN’T STOP MIXING THE PLAY-DOH!!!
Exactly like a tissue box dispenser, except for cold cuts.
[travels back in time to warn 12 year old me about playing video games too much] you become fat and lazy and-whoa Mortal Kombat 2 scoot over
My doctor said I need to eat more greens, so I got myself a pint of mint ice cream.
I would describe my conference call personality as “also there”
Forget spiders, I’ve incidentally consumed at least a kilo of dog hair.
[arrives in heaven]
how’d you die?
me: i was sitting in a beanbag chair and my house caught on fire
Lint Bizkit #LaundrySongsAndBands
if you want to know how much i love freedom i don’t have an oven we just shoot our food with guns until it is warm enough to eat
The doctor should ask how often you miss your mouth entirely when drinking
*meets someone from France*
I’m a big fan of your toast!
I figure soon we will be grounding our children by sending them outside to play
My call has been first in line for nine minutes; I won’t be surprised if the next available representative tells me I have to call a different number.
When people say “To be honest…”, it means that up to that point they’ve been lying.
The Internet is good for two things
1) People without clothes
2) Animals with clothes
I’m God’s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
If I had an out of body experience I would probably just use the time to scratch my own back.
I can’t believe I got kicked out of chess club. I didn’t realize there were rules, I just thought the pieces fought like action figures. I shouldn’t have brought Wolverine.
[doc walks in holding up my X-rays with one hand & giving a thumbs down with the other]
Bad news, pal. You’re a skeleton.
Laundry:
Washing – 30 min
Drying – 1 hour
Putting away – 7 to 10 days
“p” in my name stands for patience and that’s why it’s not there
gas stations touting free air are using your tires to store excess low quality black market air don’t fall for it
You didn’t want to camp out with me to buy the new ABBA album. If you change your mind, I’m the first in line.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for two?”, I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”.
Natty or not?
I just left a court docket with 47 cases. I was number 4 and 43. The judge took the bench and took one look at me with my Kleenex and hacking cough and said, “Patient zero, YOU will be going first.”
Never has looking like complete crap made me so happy.
Trying to take the best instagram picture ever but the kittens keep drowning in the latte.
According to Facebook, 78% of girls I went to high school with now own their own photography business.
The Proclaimers: Walk 500 miles. Then walk 500 more.
Me: Gets winded walking from the couch to the kitchen.