It’s so nice that Girl Scout Cookies come in single serving packages.
Raisins are just grapes pretending not to be past their “sell by” date
If you want to romance me, take me to a nice restaurant with good climate control, but not too fancy. I want to wear my jeans and sneakers. Ok just take me to McDonald’s. It’s my second home.
It’s National Donut Day and I have failed to eat a single donut. 2020 is truly a catastrophe…
Before coffee:
The sun is stupid. My bed is stupid. These clothes are stupid. People are stupid. Work is stupid…After coffee:
Everything is still stupid, but with more energy
*walks into your house*
*sees doll collection*
*backs out slowly lest the dolls notice me and decide to attack*
My family is driving me more nuts than usual. If you find me wandering the streets in a daze, please don’t return me home.
I told my kid that the fish fossil was found 194 years ago. He asked if I’d found it. And that’s when he mysteriously disappeared…
Hungry? Have a snack
Tired? Have a snack
Cranky? Have a snack
Planning to take over the world? Have a snackSnacks are ALWAYS the answer
I’d love to meet up with you but my squirrel says it’s a bad idea and I always listen to her
Yes, Karen, I know that exercise is a great stress reliever. I’ll have you know that I power walked to the freezer aisle in the store to get this ice cream before they closed.
I avoid paying bills by yelling, ” Not it!” and throwing the envelopes back at the mail lady.
My son has been awake for 15 minutes which means he’s been telling me all about his favorite video game for 15 minutes.
OMG this view is amazing!!!
– me opening the lid on the pizza box
I’m not saying my house is haunted, but something just growled in here. It can’t see me if I hide under the covers right?