Let hot neighbour guy park his truck in my driveway, if ya know what I mean 😏😏
*I mean there’s construction on our street
Eating nothing but bacon for my keto diet because I wanna be thin in time for my heart attack
I accidentally went to Homesense today and accidentallier bought Christmas decorations
I need to babyproof my house.
I’m not having a baby, I’m just extremely clumsy
Idk what’s worse about today’s meeting, nearly falling asleep on camera or realizing 3/4 of the way through that I had a pimple patch on my face 😂🤦🏼♀️
What are a comedian’s pronouns?
He/he/he
At my funeral I want there to be a big ‘live laugh love’ sign with the ‘live’ crossed out
Just bent over and heard a snap. Was hoping it was a broken rib but turns out it was the underwire in my last good bra snapping 😭
A little known historical fact is that Alexander the Great had a younger brother named Bob the Pretty Okay
I’m a carb girl, born and bread
So my mom suggested today that I use Twitter to find a boyfriend. I told her that only works if you’re already married.