Normalize responding to work emails with:
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Can I be honest with you?”
Me- no, thank you
Omg. Why do I always look terrible when I leave the house.
*stays in bed until 4 minutes before I’m supposed to leave*
1993: thrown from bike headfirst, rides 12 more miles and doesn’t head home till dark
2022: owww, I think I sprained my hand turning on my turn signal
How the hell can people with kids ever sell anything ‘gently used’?
All my furniture looks like it was in a bar fight.