My kids: ROAD TRIP!
My kids, ten minutes later:
Welp. Looks like I’m the only parent drinking a beer for this “Meet The New Wrestling Coach” zoom meeting.
*checks real estate listings on other planets*
Friend: I’m worried about you.
Me: *pours tequila over cereal* Why?
I’m 48 years old and I pronounce pumpkin like PUN-KIN.
Bite me.
15: *cleaning her glasses with the hem of her shirt* Ever wonder how nudists clean their glasses?
Me: No. *spends the rest of the night wondering how nudists clean their glasses*
15: what do you risk becoming from taking drugs….
Me: …addicted
15: what do you risk becoming from smoking cigarettes…
Me: …addicted
15: what smacked you in the face last night?
Me: …go to your room