Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are my birthstone.
God bless the parents who volunteer to coach kids sports because I spent 8 minutes trying to teach just my kid a good batting stance and wanted to torch the whole softball field.
All you need for your kids to fall asleep at a reasonable hour is wake them up before sunrise and go to an amusement park in the blistering heat for 9 hours.
Me: that’s BS
6: boring stuff?
Me, knowing I’ll probably regret it, but it will be funny: …yes
The hardest part of my kid unexpectedly falling out of her chair unprovoked is waiting until her back is turned so I can laugh.
My kid was mad at me and said, why don’t you CROCHET!?? and it made me laugh…and made her madder.
1st birthday party: *intense Pinterest deep dive, starts buying things 6 months in advance, starts decorating a month before party*
7th birthday party: *oh shit, the party is in 2 days. Guess I should order some food or something*
They say to do something that scares you everyday so I hosted an outdoor birthday party with 12 kids under the age of 8 while wearing a white t-shirt.
What base is it when he says “I know you need it badly” but he’s talking about sleep.
Having a kid means knowing when she asks to watch Mr. Handsome, she means The Little Mermaid.
I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.
She believed she could so she did and now I have a meeting with her teacher and the principal.
Pavlov’s dog but it’s me reaching in the backseat for trash every time my kid says “MOM!”
Me: ooooohhhh look at all the colorful new spring clothes!
Also me: *buys another black t-shirt*
6: I want to pick something out for your birthday next week
Me: ok, think about the things I like and enjoy doing and then we’ll go get it
6: you’re getting a chainsaw. And maybe a sword.
Me:… sweet